So, I mentioned sending Jonathan a package in my last letter, and he told me that he would love to have a cool tie for the plane ride to Ukraine.
At first, I was going to make him a tie with this tutorial. but then, I was like aint nobody got time for that! (being home, with most of my friends either busy or in Thatcher, I've become a little bit of a YouTube addict. no shame.)
So, I decide to go buy one. Before this week, I'd never been tie shopping, and let me just tell you: I'm so glad that i'm a girl!
Seriously, how do boys ever choose a tie! Its stinkin' impossible! there's so many kinds and patterns and colors! skinny ties, bow ties, fatty ties, stripes, polka dots, checks! Its ridiculous!!!
Sometimes, I wonder why I keep this blog going... If anything, it encourages the more melodramatic notes in me, and I try to wax philosophic or something ... and then when I go back to read what I've written, I just think 'wow.... I sound kind of idiotic and full of myself...'
and yet, I keep it going.
It seems like I update my blog around once a month, (if I'm lucky) and just overload anyone who still reads this with info... and I think, since I've got three-ish weeks until I leave, I'm going to do something a little bit crazy...
I'm going to start posting regularly.
no promises or anything, but I feel like I really want to document these last few moments before I take the scariest leap of faith in my life.
So, to start with, did I ever tell y'all my story of how I decided to serve as a missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?
Well, It all started with those horrible plastic chairs that all church buildings seem to accumulate. I was in the Gila Valley Institute building, trying to prepare myself for hours of general conference by gathering these chairs and making a sort of lounger. I was vaguely listening to the announcements by President Thomas S Monson going on on the enormous projection screen in front of me, when my friend Mary elbowed me....
I was excited. How cool for the young men! But the words that came next..... well, Those were the words that shook me up.
I very nearly burst in to tears. An overwhelming feeling manifested itself within me that I was needed, somewhere, to serve the people of the lord. I didn't know where, or how, or why, and holy mackerel!, was I scared, but I couldn't deny what I felt.
I dont remember a single other thing about that session. Afterwards, I called home and talked to my dad. He was so excited! I swear, I could just hear the grin in his voice.
Then I talked to my mom..... not so much....
She tried to talk me out of it. If you know my mother at all, she doesn't take no for an answer... she takes it as a challenge. you see, this wasn't her plan for me. She wanted me to graduate from EA, with a nice little husband and at least two babies. A mission kind of thew a big 'ole wrench into that plan. when she couldn't talk me out of it, she tried talking me into waiting a semester.Worn down and worn out... (I'm not usually one to stand up to anyone, for anything.... so It was a miracle I'd made it this far!) I agreed.
Have you ever dated someone completely wrong for you, and you knew it was wrong, but you did it anyways?
How about gone on a really fast roller coaster, right after eating three hot dogs complete with mustard and relish?
Have you ever let someone down, someone you really respect and admire?
That feeling, that awful gnawing and grinding in the pit of your stomach, is the closest thing I can think of to describe the next three days. I felt absolutely sick.
I remember getting up at something like three in the morning, and walking out into the living room of my apartment. The only other person awake that Sunday night was Chelsie, who was working on a paper for her English class. I don't remember what we talked about, or why she said it, but I remember her saying something about standing up for what she knew to be right, no matter the opinions of others.
Its something I've believed my entire life, but for some reason I needed someone to tell me that night, and I doubt she'll ever know what an answer to prayer she was that night. I called my mother the next morning and Informed her that I was coming home, and that I was not going to be waiting. It took more backbone than I thought I'd possessed... but I did it!
and I've got to say, It was the best decision I ever made.
(okay, I know I'm a little late in the game, but I spent my new years down with the flu, and my addled brain couldn't handle anything heavier than lord of the rings....)
So, here's the skinny: this year, I will...........
1. Be on time. It seems like such a simple thing, but I seriously have such a hard time with it!!! So, this year I'm going to schedule my time well enough that don't miss the beginning of everything.
2, Spend less time selfishly. Know what's dumb? I'm not even five minutes into this post, and I've already used the word "I" at least 9 times. I want to focus my time and energy on other people. (I'm hoping a mission will help with this :))
3, Become a planner. one thing I've learned, on a mission you will have to plan everything. all the time. So this seems like a good goal.
4, Grow up....Well, at least a little bit... Cook something. Remember to lock the door. Balance my checkbook once in a while. Stop complaining. Exercise. you know, the kind of stuff your mom always tells you to do, but you never quite want to do.
I had an insightful conversation with my dad today. I mentioned a piece of advise my friend had given me about my mission before I left college. My friend warned me against becoming what is known as a 'robot missionary' and losing my personality to the work, because someone somewhere needs me.... he told me that that was the reason I was called to that specific mission.
When my dad heard this, he did that little crinkly eyebrow thing he does when he disapproves of something... then he said something interesting.
"what if what the lord needs a robot missionary? would you be one then?"
huh. good question.
He went on to tell me that on his mission, there was a point where he "gave it all away". He gave up his selfish desires for good statistics and recognition and love (all of which are really great things!) and simply threw himself into what the lord wanted for his people. He came home with an unshakable faith in his Divine nature, and in who he was. These experiences are what helped him to become the man he is today.... They're what allow him to go on living the way he does, and serving in his capacity as the stake president.
As for me, I've got a pretty good idea of what I want to be....
but.... what does the lord want me to be?
It's a hard question for me to answer. But I'm going to spend the next 18 months or so finding out....
finding out, and becoming.
Since I missed posting for most of this semester, I'm just going to share it in pictures. (photo cred to the fabulous Miss Camie, and her Iphone)
*warning: photo overload!*
*warning: photo overload!*
|In those days before the great roommate bond was there, Bryndee and Taylor spend alot of time with Mary, making blanket forts and eating pina colada otter pops and painting nails and watching movies. These were good days.|
|Eventually, we figured it out. We could be different, and still be best friends! So we threw surprise parties for friends...... (which resulted in a SWEET cake fight, but that's another story for another time....)|
|We saw midnight movies....|
(Breaking dawn= weird. But I couldn't ask for better company!)
|We went to basketball games (in which I got entirely involved in the game and started yelling at the players and the coach....)|
|We went to school functions together ( bouncy house stress reliever for finals? My college > Your college)|
|We had Footsie Pajama Parties!|
|and proceeded to go out in public in said pajamas! (on a side note, I can't get over David's PJ's! his are the ones that look like jeans :))|
Welp, It's December, and alot has happened since I last wrote.
First off, I'm going on an LDS mission. I'm about half way through the paperwork, and I've been caught up in a whirlwind of selling apartment contracts and studying for finals and being interviewed and trying to figure out Christmas presents and worrying about how in the heck I'm going to pay for this mission.
Its been busy!
The apartment selling thing is kindof a cool story. I kinda had my own little miracle... I was trying like crazy to sell my apartment contract, so I could go on this mission. The problem was that there is something like 30 other girls trying to sell theirs at the same time, and I was at the bottom of the list. I had done everything I possibly could, but I was starting to get really worried. That's when the amazing part happened: Some random stranger went to the apartment owners and requested my contract, specifically. I had never heard of her before! It was a serious blessing.... and now there's nothing stopping me from going!
Its been awhile.
College life is alot crazier than I expected it to be.... therefore the lack of posting.
Expectation: "Ill be in bed by 10:00 every night!
Reality: *2:00 in the morning "ehh, I'm not even tired yet!"
*10:00 in the morning "I feel like death."
Expectation: "I'll stay caught up on homework!"
Reality: "I'd rather watch Doctor Who....I'll just wait until the day before the test to do all 7 sections of homework! That sounds like a great plan!"
*day of test: "I feel like death."
butttttt.... on the plus side.....
Expectation: "Ill make TONS of friends!"
Reality: "I've made TONS of friends!!!"
All in all, its not a bad way to live :)